Ground down

I am being incessantly ground down by this blasted illness right now. Day 5 of a really bad flare up of Fibromyalgia, and it doesn’t seem to be abating. Ever intensifying pain, poorer and poorer sleep, and brain fog that just comes and goes as it pleases. I’m getting pains on my pains, well that is what it feels like right now.

I have been waking about 3am every morning since last Wednesday. I try and stay in bed, because pain is why I am waking, hoping to get a few more zeds before having to actually tackle the day, but it is shitty sleep. Today I basically was about to collapse at about 10.30am, so I went to bed, and slept fitfully for a couple of hours. Apart from about half an hour of actually feeling a little more awake immediately after, I have gone back to the heavy fatigue for the rest of the day. I need some quality sleep, but because of the pain, it’s not happening.

I’m in pain when I sit. I’m in pain when I stand. I am in pain when I lie down. It doesn’t go away. I’m doing all the bullshit stuff they say, stretch it out, exercise, light weights, all of it. It doesn’t make it better, it makes it worse.

I have read so many bullshit remedies over the past few days, and I say bullshit, because unless you are only just starting to suffer the symptoms of this illness, they do nothing. When you are well advanced down the track, I honestly don’t know what works, because all the bullshit advice doesn’t.

Its sort of like when I read blogs and other articles by people saying they have Bipolar. As a sufferer, you can tell a bullshitter from the real deal. Most are bullshitters, offering crap remedies for sale, or exercise routines, or pay to view websites. None of these people are helpful, for both the Bipolar and Fibromyalgia that I suffer from, it actually makes you feel even worse because you try these remedies, and they don’t work, and then you start questioning yourself, asking yourself “what is wrong with you, this is supposed to work, what are you doing wrong?”, and all the other questions of self doubt. If you are one of these bullshitters, please stop, you are causing more harm than good.

I need to stop now, I think I have got my point across in this shitty frame of mind I am in. I really need some sleep, some relief from the pain, so I will go and dose up on pain relief, have a hot shower, and sleep for a few hours, before it all kicks off again at 3am tomorrow.

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