Wishing it would stop

Before I was struck down by this horrible affliction called Fibromyalgia, I really didn’t know what it was like for someone to suffer from a chronic pain condition quite like this. Yes, I had been suffering a great deal of pain due to my back injury, but it really is nothing like this. When it’s one part of the body, you can do things to ease it, like sitting a particular way, or modifying how you do things to allow for your condition. With this, you just can’t do that.

You can have all the plans in the world, but with this, it can all fall apart in the blink of an eye. One minute, you feel okay, and then by the end of the day, a whole world of pain has come crashing in on you. You haven’t done anything to set it off, it just happens. It’s totally beyond your control. You can’t even have plans for a good night sleep.

I used to love spur of the moment things. I still do, but if something does come up, spur of the moment, like to go for a drive somewhere, or an unexpected meeting, because I haven’t had the time to mentally prepare myself, it usually wrecks me. When I say it wrecks me, it’s like it smashes every atom of my being into smithereens. I have to prepare myself for anything these days. Going away for the weekend, I have to know a month in advance to prepare myself. It doesn’t guarantee that I still won’t be incredibly drained, or in agony, after it is over, but at least I have mentally prepared myself for it, and made sure there are no plans for anything else for a few days to a week after, just so I can recover.

Going fortnightly grocery shopping usually takes a day to physically recover from. A day out, with an hour each way drive, takes 2 or 3. Going away for several days to a week means usually a week is written off.

I must admit though, I am fortunate that I have got my Manic Depression under control again now. That would just compound things tenfold. I have come to realise that my descent into needing medication again last year coincided with a deterioration in the Fibromyalgia, so the increase in flashbacks and the PTSD symptoms were being fed by the worsening situation with the fibromyalgia. The fibromyalgia was feeding the Manic Depression, and the Manic Depression was feeding the PTSD. Now the Manic Depression is controlled, the PTSD symptoms have virtually ceased.

The fact that I am writing about how bad fibromyalgia is should be a good indication to you that I am having a really rough time with it at the moment. I have managed to get some more codeine tablets to go with the tramadol again, which helps a bit, but the trend is that these things are becoming less effective for me now. I can only hope that it will all subside again quickly.


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